Home > Uncategorized > I Didn’t Know I Was Going Crazy by Debra H. Goldstein

I Didn’t Know I Was Going Crazy by Debra H. Goldstein

I DIDN’T KNOW I WAS GOING CRAZY….by Debra H. Goldstein

I am the mother of twins.  My daughter slept through the night almost immediately.  My son functioned on two non-consecutive hours of sleep in a twenty-four hour period.  I thought I was using my time effectively putting a laundry in at 2 a.m. and changing it at 4 a.m. because I was up with him anyway.  Months later I learned that my behavior during those first weeks after the twins were born was best summed up by a friend who came to visit and immediately got on the phone or started beating the drums:  “She doesn’t know she’s going crazy.”

The daughter who slept through the night and rarely gave her father or me any grief is getting married in a few weeks.  It is an exciting time for her and a combination of poignant moments for me.  She came without her fiancé for the Jewish holidays and as we sat up late talking, I thought about how this would be the last time we talked into the wee hours without her husband being upstairs wondering when she would be coming to bed.  We went for her final dress fitting last week and I swear she glowed as she tried it on and remembered why she fell in love with it.  I almost cried at how beautiful she looked – but I didn’t.  Instead, I thought about how she had that same look of happiness in her watermelon patterned dress the first day she went to school.  Lest you worry, I assure you I won’t hold back the tears when she radiantly comes down the aisle on her father’s arm.

When I haven’t been ricocheting between memories of the past and the creation of present ones, I have been attending to wedding details.  Who will sit with who, how will the processional proceed, how does the menu my daughter and her fiancé blessed have to be altered for those who replied to my request to let me know of any dietary restrictions with needs that included vegetarian, vegan, or dishes that are gluten, lactose, peanut, olive oil, or fig free.   My personal favorite – “I eat anything, but I don’t like corn or rice.”  Not a problem – I’ve entered that request along with the others into the myriad of spread sheets my son-in-law to be, friends, and I have created to track the different details of the wedding. 

My writing and personal life are taking a backseat to the energy and passion I am putting into the wedding, but it is okay.  This time, I know I’m going crazy. 

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  1. Anonymous
    September 11, 2013 at 7:02 pm

    Ok, let’s have a reality check… Are you walking and talking, sometimes concurrently? Are you breathing? And have you managed to get yourself dressed each day with the under clothes under and the outer clothes over (and it doesn’t matter if some things on backwards, inside out or buttoned wrong)? If your answers are YES, then tou”re still in the sanity range!
    Gail

    • September 16, 2013 at 10:39 pm

      At times, barely,…. but most of the time yes.

  2. September 10, 2013 at 9:19 pm

    Tears rolled down my cheeks. I remember that little girl smile. Sending you the country song…. I loved her first. Thrilled to celebrate with you. Hugs

    • September 10, 2013 at 10:16 pm

      Hugs back to you…..glad you will be celebrating with us (again).

  3. September 9, 2013 at 7:22 pm

    That sums up the wedding experience all right–from the big stuff (NO MORE into-the-wee-hours chats) to the minutia (no corn or rice). Just know that all your attention to those little details that creates a bump-free experience for your guests will be appreciated lots more than your son appreciated the Midnight Laundry Olympics. Once you’ve nailed down that last detail, relax and have a ball!

    • September 10, 2013 at 10:16 pm

      Thanks…..this has been a DAY of details, but I can see the fun ahead. Appreciate the encouragement.

  4. Anonymous
    September 9, 2013 at 11:03 am

    Deb, I smile every time I read something new you’ve written. You have a way of bringing all those little memories that I long ago put in the recesses of my brain and rarely bring out. I enjoy everything you post and appreciate you sharing with us. As a mom who has been through this wedding thing three times, all I can tell you is to just soak it in and cherish every moment. It is truly a pain and a joy at the same time. Good luck!

    • Bonnie Tingle
      September 9, 2013 at 11:04 am

      LOL! Just realized my name isn’t on my comment! Who is that woman? It’s me – Bonnie Tingle!

    • Bonnie Tingle
      September 9, 2013 at 11:07 am

      OHMYGOSH! Judge Goldstein, I left out a word in the 2nd sentence – ” you have a way of bringing BACK all those little memories”……… typos and bad grammar are unacceptable when writing! LOL

      • September 9, 2013 at 12:09 pm

        Bonnie, Thank you for your comments. It makes me feel good to know I’ve touched your soul or at least your memories. Besides the mysteries, this is the type of thing I really enjoy writing….I just wish there was a market or outlet for these kind of essays/thoughts as I feel they identify with all of us more than anything else.

  5. September 7, 2013 at 10:29 pm

    OMG, and I always thought it was potty training that I was grateful not having to go through!
    I’m going crazy just reading your post. Well done!

    • September 8, 2013 at 7:49 am

      Thanks T.K.it felt good to take a break last night….and then I remembered I need to get some fake rings for the pillow and wondered what else I haven’t thought of.

  6. Anonymous
    September 7, 2013 at 9:01 pm

    In all your “craziness” you found your moment of sanity in writing – well done and thanks for sharing the beauty of your writing! jo

    • September 8, 2013 at 7:50 am

      Thank you….both times I have written something in the last two,weeks, I have felt grounded.

  7. September 7, 2013 at 9:00 pm

    Our only daughter got married 5 years ago. Your post is bringing it all back! We had one additional responsibility. Her daddy performed the ceremony in his church. I completely forgot to put the bows (which I had bought) on the ends of the pews! Otherwise, it all went well. The seating for the reception drove me nuts. I finally handed it over to my brother and sister-in-law at the last minute.

    You know what we remember the most vividly and the most fondly? The things that didn’t go exactly right. Those are what make the day your own. You’ll all make it through this!

    • September 8, 2013 at 7:58 am

      Kaye, you are so right. Even now the pre-wedding blips are what has caused some humor. For example, I was going to tie some flip flops together and carefully bought bridal ribbon. A friend took the task off my hands so I gave her the ribbon and flip flops. Can’t tell you how much I appreciate her doing them and correcting the fact that I had bought bric brac and only enough for three pairs. Guess I’ll stick to my day jobs.

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